{chance}

Kenny's sits beside me sifting through bluegrass songs on the iPad while I shovel stale Honeycomb cereal into my mouth in rather obtuse handfuls. I attempt to sing, and he hushes me as he is trying to pick out the melody.  It's late.  And the longer I spend time with the words and scanned images of this guest author, the more I am convicted by her art.

She knows story.  The kind that's not just read, but breathed.  No, not the variety you'll find doted on in fairy tale books where the images are all pearly and situated just right. This woman's ink hits the page with an openness as if forever's somewhere out in an open field & covered.  Waiting under the nook & cranny of a well worn rock just meant for finding.

I've known this heart warming soul since elementary school.  As Brownie Scouts, we made the pact together.

On my honor, I will try: To serve God and my country, To help people at all times, And to live by the Girl Scout Law.

 And although our friendship was never one deemed close or sacred, I always knew she had my back.  That she was for me.  In pigtails and brown sashes decorated with iron-on badges. And in the decisions that I made with my dreams as we grew up to be women.

She is funny.  So very hysterical.  And full of all kinds of social transgressions.  If you rest under her tent, then you will forever know dry & warmth. I had the pleasure of reconnecting with her at our 20 year high school reunion just last month.  From confiscating my fallen name tag  only to pin it to her chest and tell me she was just gonna "babysit" me for an hour or two, to standing in front of the fan while she danced letting her skirt hem wave & waft pretending as if she was Marilyn Monroe, this girl is a wild card!

I admire her way with words.  And her hope in capturing story.  For herself & for others.  She feels, and the pen moves.  She's my kinda people.  Never pretentious and always seeking light.  Even when the dark swallows and seems to suffocate.

I honor her courage to share.  In her willingness to peel back bandaids long plastered to her alabaster skin, I am certain there is someone out there with ointment for her as well as for themselves.  Truth is worth telling.  Less filter >> more feeling.  Perhaps that should be added to the Girl Scout motto.

It is in our times of honesty when triumphant raps sweetly at our door.  And there, with a fresh baked recipe of peace, our neighbor offers us nourishment.  Soul satisfying, we partake in kindness found within those letters pressed.  And wake to remind ourselves that hope is worth the search, moreover the words that both ache & arouse our hungry hearts. Somewhere under a nook & cranny just meant for finding...

Please welcome my Brownie Scout buddy, Bonnie Glassco, to the blog.

I love words. Some more than others.  My favorite words are versatile and fit many scenarios in my random life.  If I had to sum up my whole existence in just one word I’d pick chance. Everything that I am is by accident and without design.  My life is the possibility of something happening.

When I was a child I was no stranger to misbehaving.  My famous last words were always “Please give me just one more chance.”  I liked to push the envelope.  I thought I could eventually get it right if I had the opportunity.  I wanted to please everyone when I was growing up. I conformed into this person I thought I had to be. I was miserable and I could feel myself slip away.

The summer of my 18th year everything changed.  I had just graduated high school at seventeen and it was time to venture out.  I boarded a plane and set off on a journey to be myself. I’d never been that far away from home without my family. I was scared. I was fidgeting with my hair and fighting that herd of elephants trampling around in my stomach. I was bursting with excitement and fear. The plane taxied down the runway and I came to life. I squealed in delight as we took off. That was the day I became an adrenaline junkie.

I wanted to everyday of my life to be exciting. I wanted to risk it all in the name of happiness. I had no regrets and didn’t plan on ever having any.  I was a horrible college student. I couldn’t concentrate long enough to do anything. I had life by the tail, or so I thought, in my twenty year old mind. I remember being young and carefree. Being in love sure was something. Just like everything in my life, I took a chance and I loved deeply. It was by pure serendipity that I’d found what I’d always for what I had always longed.  Then one cold day in March it was gone. I’d had my chance and now at the tender age of 21 it was all over. I was wrong.

The next few months I lived in a constant fog. I went through the motions and put one foot in front of the other. It hurt everyday to breathe. The sun did not shine in my sky anymore.  All the stars had crumbled away. There were no more words to speak or songs to hear. Fear had stolen my joy. Pain took away the love I knew. One day I tired of the lackluster existence in which I had settled. I had to break free. All I needed was just one more chance. I got lucky again.

I returned to the land of the living. I duct taped my demons up and broken free.  I did exactly what I wanted. I was fearless. I loved every minute of everyday. The summer of my 22nd year I was out on the lake every day  from sun up to sunset. I barreled down the lake on my Seadoo and let my hair whip in the wind. I was living. I’d watch the sun turn to gold every evening and dance across the water. I breathed it in and let it consume me.  I moved to Nashville in the fall and took a chance on city life. I learned so much in the two years I was away. I loved the lights in the city at night, but I yearned for home. It was time to chance it again.

Within six months of moving home I met someone and we quickly married. I lived the dream for a while. I had a beautiful baby boy and loved being a mother. The trouble was I didn’t like being a wife.

After a few years we went our separate ways. I had that beautiful boy with the big brown eyes so I felt I came out on top.

I had a series of epic failures over the next few years. It seemed like I wasn’t supposed to be happy. I took chances and sometimes I lost it all. I was lucky enough to have another beautiful baby boy during one of the worst times in my life. I’m so glad that little boy took a chance on me.

Both of my boys redeemed me exactly when I needed them. Everything I ever did in my life lead up to the moments that they gave me life.

I have loved beyond measure and I have felt the pain of love lost. I have feared, yet I’ve been fearless. I have cried, but I have smiled through my pain. I will be loved once more when someone takes that chance. Everything in my heart has been spoken and laid on the line. There is a balance to everything. I’ve chanced upon my life. I will continue until I breathe no more.

I'm 38 year old mother of 12 year old, Carter, and 7 year old, Jude.  We live on a farm. I'm a stay-at-home mom and a farmer. I write in my spare time. I enjoy the outdoors and working on my car. One day I hope to restore old automobiles to a thing of beauty.

Dedication:

I'd like to dedicate this to Flipper. Thank you for believing in me and pushing me to finish this. I was so lost at first when I started to write this piece. Your encouragement pushed me to dig deep and stop being afraid of failing. You lit a fire inside of me that's long been burned out. I will be forever grateful for you bringing my passion for writing back to life. Thanks for being a friend. 

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