Dear Sweet Baby Girl,
Hey there, hottie, It's me!Meg. I know we haven't officially met yet, but I need to be your voice of the future for just a quick sec. You cool with that? See, I was once you. No seriously, I was. I never put moisturizer on before applying make-up and sunscreen was TOTALLY out of the question. To be toasty brown was one of my highest priorities. And, well, I know that times have drastically changed. The young vixens of GENERATION NOW are megahype on the sunscreen tip. And, I am high-fiving you babes every.step.of.the.SPF.way. I see you workin'.Go on now.Get organic with your bad self if you want.I ain't got nothin' but love for YOU.
But, sunscreen's not really what I'm here to talk about. You see, oh about year 34ish, some kinda freak show is gonna go down. ON YOUR CHIN.I'm talking cuhrazy. Now, don't panic. I'm here as a helpful source. Consider me your ghost of Christmas future in the beautification department, okay?
I don't know if we need to blame the steroid raised chicken that we've all o'deed on or what, but your chin?It's gonna have hair.There. I said it. See how I eased it in all smooth like waiting until the 3rd paragraph? I am here for you, girls. I am here because no one let me know this nasty truth until one morning I'm brushing my teeth, and WHAMMO. Long, black & hairy was all like, "Hey, Meg. Here, let me help you rinse."{insert deep masculine voice here}
Nuh-uh.
And, girls? The last thing I want you to feel is abandoned and cornered in the hairy scare corner. Truth? They're coming.Truth? They're not going away once they arrive.Truth?Get them off your chin.
Perhaps I could encourage you to just consider this as a stocking stuffer for oh, about year twenty-nine. You know, just to get the hang of how it works & all.
But before that, invest in a pair of sharp pointed tweezers. Don't go all Sally Hansen on me and get the those nubbed-end ones. WASTE. Commit to aesthetic excellence here, ladies. Go hard or go home. If you can't run with the big dogs, then stay on the porch.You hear me?
You wanna be cute?Sure. Be cute. I am the last one that would want to stand in your way of self expression.
Grab a pair of these:
Got a little giddy up in your step? Perhaps a pair of these would rock your stubble:
Whatever you do, whatever you pick, BUY 2 PAIR.Yes, TWO. You're gonna need one for your bathroom, and one for the hallowed place of hair extraction: YOUR CAR. Yes, girls. It's as if heaven shines down in that 45 seconds of red light, and the angels whisper harmoniously, "NOW. Get those suckers." If you can't be ready for yourself, you at least owe it to them to be ready. Out of respect of the most holy light for unhairing, be prepared for goodness sake.
What? You're nervous? Worried about what others around you might think peeking in at you plucking? Oh, come now, sweeties. It's natural. You're 34ish. The club no longer calls your name. The grocery store does.
See? Everybody's doing it. You are golden.
Know I'm here. Know I care.
Chin up, sister.
.mac :)